Fighting For Love - Talk About Marriage

Hello All....

I am a new member to "Talk About Marriage", and after a few weeks of just reading about the issues in which others are enduring, I decided to write about my own in order to seek insight from others which have fought for their relationships or have been defeated.

My story began in December 2010, during the time I began dating my now fiance'. Our situations were similar, as during the time I was taking space away from my previous girlfriend and her previous boyfriend was serving time in prison. Our relationship was an instant spark, as we both felt that we had finally came across what we had never experienced before, which was "more than the usual". We spent majority of our time working, as we both are workaholics, but the remaining was spent with one another, finding different ways to enjoy life. Our relationship was built on compatability, friendship, and honesty. However several months into our relationship, I found myself still doing the things I promised that I wouldnt do....communication with other women via text, internet, etc....random dates...and worst of all random affairs with my ex-girfriend....During this time, she ask me if I am doing various things, and I would deny them...but little did I know, she had knowledge of all my activity, but she wanted me to be honest and man-up to my wrongdoing. The situation turned ugly as my current and ex had several conversations exposing my actions throughout the relationship and one had a physical altercation with one another while me and the current were out in public. After several confrontations about my actions, she decided that had had enough.

It was during our time apart that a dear friend helped me better myself by introducing me to a 40 day surrender spiritual fast which brought alot of things to light. It helped me to establish a relationship with God...acknowledge and address alot of personal issues within myself...commitment issues...and most importantly realize that for the first time in life I was "in love". From that point on, I decided to express my feelings, emotions, and allow my actions to show what my words couldnt....After a few months we were back together and things we going well until she saw a text thread of me and a former female friend, in addition to recent conversations with my ex....Despite that there was no intent of us hooking up, it was the principle that she felt that my loyalty was with my ex, after she was involved in an altercation because of me....

To make a long story short...in May we started to try again, with me doing everything I could to show her how I truly felt and how I wanted to make her feel the way she made me feel since the beginning of this relationship, which was special. So in July, I built up the courage to purchase the engagement ring that she had always desired and she said yes, but a few days later she said that she needed time to think about because she felt as though she still does not trust me, feels as if she is forcing herself to want this to work, and that she cannot let go of the past. I know that we both love one another, and deep down I know that there is a small % of her that wants to fight for this, but she is very prideful, stubborn, and doesnt want to feel like a fool if I were to ever make a mistake again....And to prove it she decided on Sunday that she could no longer proceed with the engagement....but deep down I know that she is making these decisions with her mind as opposed to her heart....so curious to know, where to go from here....

Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/54247-fighting-love.html

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